Real Friends Are Hard To Find
Since being here in the States last year, I have yet to find friends. Friends who connect with chemistry and bondage that only one can feel. Friends who will stand by you when you’re upset and need to vent. Friends who will actually remember you for who you are.
Just last week I received a little package with a pair of earrings and a simple bracelet. It was sent by Belinda and Jasmine. The same set of friends whom I went with to India and who sent me off on my last day in Singapore when I flew off to Texas last September.
Friends grow with you. You don’t just find them and hope for a connection. I tried finding them here in Texas, hoping I could connect with them the way I did with my friends back home. But it’s never going to be the same. I’m dogmatic in my views about friendship. My friends are only a handful but they are reliable, trustworthy, annd dependable. Friends way back from the days when I was a student nurse especially Karen, Kiren and Catherine who has been friends with me for almost 15 years. Monica, whom I’ve known now for almost 10 years. Belinda, Jasmine, Sharon Lee, and Aishah whom I have known for almost 5 years now since we studied our Advanced Diploma in Critical Care in the days of NYP. Rochelle whom I have known for almost 5 years now, is one who has known my insides out.
You can’t make friends your friends. I believe in chemistry and connectivity. Though now I am in the States and most of them are still in Singapore and Karen in Australia, Kiren in Vancouver, Rochelle in Toronto, somehow there is still a warm feeling that friends will always be friends, and they will always be reliable, trustworthy, and dependable.
And then there is Cindy and Jasmine, whom both of them has displayed an infinite amount of generosity towards their friends. Cindy is forever a Sunshine Nurse with a sunny, cheerful disposition and Jasmine a focused, hardworking girl with a kind, down-to-earthy disposition.
As you move with life with them, you know that these friends will be lifelong. You don’t just know it, you also can feel it. It’s connectivity. It’s chemistry.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)My First Love in Texas
He was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me when I first arrived in Texas. I knew nobody, felt no love, felt no feelings for no one. He was there with his gentleness and he was shy. He had the sweetest eyes. Eyes that had deep windows to his soul. He was warm with his feelings. I felt a connection, I felt chemistry. I was falling in love with him. And I did, too fast and too furious that I did not allow it to breathe.That was my mistake. A mistake that now needs time to heal all wounds and to re-breathe. And to let it grow again. I often asked myself why I did not let it grow and bloom at its own pace, but instead I wanted it so much that in the end, you lose it all. Love, that is. Falling in love with the right person at the wrong time and at too fast a pace. I wanted to be with him so strongly and I never allowed it to breathe. In fact I was the one who destroyed it all. There were wrongs to begin with in this relationship that the little rights was marred by the too many wrongs. Firstly I was in a new environment and I was extremely lonely. I wanted a hug, a real body hug and someone to tell me that everything will be alright.
And he was there for me. He was there for me from the beginning but I was impatient. I wanted more from him. I was needy, I was lonely and I was wanting more from him, his time, his affection, that I was pushing him away to a tight wall corner without realising the damage that was too come that will eventually demolise us. A simple chat over cheesecake last November was the most fondest memory I will always cherish. If only I let it grow at its own time and pace. it wouldn’t be what it would be today. The tears, the accusations, the lies, the pain, the knots in your hearts with that unexpected phone call, the anger, the hurt, more tears, more pain, more hurt, more lies, more games.And finally the disbelief in me. I lost it. Lost that belief in me that he said he loved me from the beginning.
He tried. I know he tried and he tried hard. And he tried again and again and again. But I was wrong to led him on. I was wrong to hurt him. I was wrong to have made him believe that I wanted him still. I was so wrong. He will always have a soft spot in my heart, that very special person. He will always hold fond memories of which he is a part of my life once.
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